Norma's House

Back at the House on Sunset 

(spoken)

MAX:

Where have you been?

JOE:

Out. I assume I can go out when I feel like it

MAX:

Madame is quite agitated. Earlier this evening, she wanted you for something and you could not be found

JOE:

Well, that's tough

MAX:

I don't think you understand, Mr. Gillis. Madame is extremely fragile. She has moments of melancholy. There have been suicide attempts

JOE:

Why? Because of her career? She's done well enough

Look at all the fan mail she gets every day

MAX:

I wouldn't look too closely at the postmarks if I were you

JOE:

You mean you write them?

MAX:

Will you be requiring some supper this evening, sir?

JOE:

No. And Max?

MAX:

Yes, sir?

JOE:

Who the hell do you think you are, bringing my stuff up from my apartment without consulting me? I have a life of my own - now you're telling me I'm supposed to be a prisoner here

MAX:

I think, perhaps, sir, you will have to make up your mind to abide by the rules of this house. That is, if you want the job

JOE (sung):

I started work on the script

I hacked my way through the thicket

A maze of fragmented ramblings

By a soul in limbo

She hovered there like a hawk

Afraid I'd damage her baby

(spoken)

NORMA:

What's that?

JOE:

I thought we might cut away from the slave market...

NORMA:

Cut away from me?

JOE:

Norma, they don't want you in every scene

NORMA:

Of course they do. What else would they have come for? Put it back

(sung)

JOE:

I'd made my first big mistake

I'd put my foot in the quicksand

It wouldn't be a few days

Paste and scissors

This would take weeks

The house was always so quiet

Just me and Max and that organ

No one phoned and nobody ever came

And there was only one kind

Of entertainment on hand

Max, what's on this evening?

I hope it's not one of her weepy melodramas

MAX:

We'll be showing

One of Madam's enduring classics

The Ordeal of Joan of Arc

JOE:

Oh, God

We saw that last week

MAX:

A masterpiece can never pall

She is the greatest star of all

New Ways to Dream

NORMA:

This was dawn

There were no rules

We were so young

Movies were born

So many songs

Yet to be sung

So many roads

Still unexplored

We gave the world

New ways to dream

Somehow we found

New ways to dream

Joan of Arc:

Look at my face

Isn't it strong?

There in the dark

Up on the screen

Where I belong

We'll show them all

Nothing has changed

We'll give the world

New ways to dream

Everyone needs

New ways to dream

JOE:

I didn't argue, why hurt her?

You don't yell at a sleepwalker

Or she could fall and break her neck

She smelled of faded roses

It made me sad to watch her

As she relived her glory

Poor Norma

So happy

Lost in her silver heaven

NORMA:

Nothing has changed

We'll give the world

New ways to dream

Everyone needs

New ways to dream 

Completion of the Script

(spoken)

JOE:

In December, the rains came. One great big package, over-sized, just like everything else in California; and it came right through the roof of my room above the garage. So she had me moved into the main house. Into what Max called "the room of the husbands". And on a clear day, the theory was, you could see Catalina. And little by little I worked through to the end of the script. At which point I might have left: only by then those two boys from the finance company had traced my car and towed it away, and I hadn't seen one single dollar of cash money since I arrived

NORMA:

Stop that! Today's the day

JOE:

What do you mean?

NORMA:

Max is going to deliver the script to Paramount

JOE:

You're really going to give it to DeMille?

NORMA:

I've just spoken with my astrologer. She read DeMille's horoscope; she read mine

JOE:

Did she read the script?

NORMA:

DeMille is Leo; I'm Scorpio. Mars is transiting Jupiter and today is the day of closest conjunction

JOE:

Oh well, that's all right, then

NORMA:

Max

MAX:

Yes, Madame

NORMA:

Make sure it goes to Mr. DeMille in person

JOE:

Well...

NORMA:

Great day

JOE:

It's been real interesting

NORMA:

Yes...hasn't it?

JOE:

I want to thank you for trusting me with your baby

NORMA:

Not at all, it is I who should thank you

JOE:

Will you call and let me know as soon as you have some news?

NORMA:

Call? Where?

JOE:

My apartment

NORMA:

Oh, but you couldn't possibly think of leaving now, Joe

JOE:

Norma, the script is finished

NORMA:

No, Joe. No. It's just the beginning, it's just the first draft. I couldn't dream of letting you go, I need your support

JOE:

Well, I can't stay

NORMA:

You'll stay on with full salary, of course

JOE:

Oh, Norma, it's not the money - Yes, of course, I'll stay until we get some sort of news back from Paramount

NORMA:

Thank you. Thank you, Joe

JOE:

So, Max wheeled out that foreign bus

Brushed the leopardskin upholstery

He trundled along to Paramount

To hand Cecil B. our hopeless opus

My work was over

I was feeling no pain

Locked up like John the Baptist

The Lady's Paying 

NORMA:

Hurry up, the birthday boy is on his way

This is a surprise celebration

I hope you've remembered everything I've said

I want to see a total transformation

(spoken)

JOE:

What's all this?

NORMA:

Happy birthday, darling. Did you think we'd forgotten?

JOE:

Well, I ... I don't know

NORMA:

These people are from the best men's shop in town. I had them close it down for the day

JOE:

Norma, now listen!

NORMA:

I'll leave you boys to it

(sung)

MANFRED:

Happy birthday, welcome to your shopathon!

JOE:

What's going on?

MANFRED:

Help yourself, it's all been taken care of

Anyone who's anyone is dressed by me

JOE:

Well, golly gee

MANFRED:

Pick out anything you'd like a pair of

You just point, I'll do the rest

I've brought nothing but the best

You're a very lucky writer

Come along now, get undressed

Unless I'm much mistaken

That's a 42-inch chest

JOE:

I don't understand a word you're saying

MANFRED:

Well, all you need to know's the lady's paying

It's nice to get your just reward this time of year

JOE:

Get outta here!

MANFRED:

And all my merchandise is strictly kosher

When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff

JOE:

Hey, that's enough

MANFRED:

Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure

I have just the thing for you

Chalk-stripe suits

SALESMAN 1:

In black

SALESMAN 2:

Or blue

SALESMAN 3:

Glen plaid trousers

SALESMAN 4:

Cashmere sweaters

SALESMAN 5:

Bathing shorts for Malibu

SALESMAN 6:

Here's a patent leather lace-up

SALESMAN 7:

It's a virtuoso shoe

MANFRED:

And a simply marvelous coat made of vicuna

JOE:

You know what you can do with your vicuna

NORMA:

Come on Joe, you haven't even started yet

JOE:

You wanna bet?

NORMA:

I thought by now he'd look the height of fashion

He always takes forever making up his mind

Don't be unkind

I thought you writers knew about compassion

I love flannel on a man

MANFRED:

This will complement his tan

NORMA:

We'll take two of these and four of those

MANFRED:

I'm still your greatest fan!

Very soon now we'll have stopped him

Looking like an also-ran

JOE:

You're going to make me sorry that I'm staying

NORMA:

Well, all right, I'll choose, after all, I'm paying!

MANFRED:

Evening clothes?

NORMA:

I want to see your most deluxe

JOE:

Won't wear a tux

NORMA:

Of course not, dear, tuxedos are for waiters

MANFRED:

What we need are tails, a white tie and top hat

JOE:

I can't wear that

NORMA:

Joe, second-rate clothes are for second-raters

JOE (spoken):

Norma, please...

NORMA:

Shut up, I'm rich

Now some platinum blonde bitch

I own so many apartments

I've forgotten which is which

JOE:

I don't have to go to premieres

I'm never on display

You seem to forget that I'm a writer

Who cares what you wear when you're a writer?

NORMA:

I care, Joe, and please don't be so mean to me

JOE:

O.K., all right

(spoken)

NORMA:

You can't come to my New Year's Eve party in that filling-station shirt

JOE:

I've been invited somewhere else on New Year's Eve

NORMA:

Where?

JOE:

Artie Green. He's an old friend of mine

(sung)

NORMA:

I can't do without you, Joe, I need you

I've sent out every single invitation

JOE:

All right, Norma, I give in

NORMA:

Of course you do

And when they've dressed you

You'll cause a sensation

SALESMEN:

We equip the chosen few of Movieland

MANFRED:

The latest cut

SALESMEN:

We dress every movie star and crooner

From their shiny toecaps to their hatband

MANFRED:

Conceal your gut

You won't regret selecting the vicuna

SALESMEN:

If you need a hand to shake

If there's a girl you want to make

If there's a soul you're out to capture

Or a heart you want to break

If you want the world to love you

MANFRED:

You'll have to learn to take

SALESMEN:

And gracefully accept the role you're playing

MANFRED:

You will earn every cent the lady's paying

SALESMEN:

So why not have it all?

MANFRED:

Now that didn't hurt, did it?

SALESMEN:

The lady's paying!

New Year's Eve

JOE (spoken):

Max, you've pulled the stops out

(sung)

It looks like Gala Night aboard the S.S. Titanic

Will we play spot the actor

As if we're visiting a gallery of waxworks?

MAX:

Would you rather I mix for you a dry martini

Or shall I open the champagne

JOE:

Max, don't be evasive

Who's she invited to the ball?

MAX:

Madame herself made every call

(spoken)

NORMA:

Here. Happy New Year

JOE:

Norma, I can't take this

NORMA:

Oh, shut up. Open it. Read what it says

JOE:

"Mad about the boy"

NORMA:

Yes; and you do look absolutely divine

JOE:

Well, thank you

NORMA:

I had these tiles put in, you know, because Rudy Valentino said to me, "It takes tiles to tango." Come on

JOE:

No, no, not on the same floor as Valentino!

NORMA:

Oh come on, come on, come on. Get up. Follow me. And one, two... and one, two, one, two, together. And one. Don't lean back like that

JOE:

Norma, it's that thing. It tickles

The Perfect Year

NORMA:

Ring out the old

Ring in the new

A midnight wish

To share with you

Your lips are warm

My head is light

Were we alive before tonight?

I don't need a crowded ballroom

Everything I want is here

If you're with me

Next year will be

The perfect year

JOE:

Before we play

Some dangerous game

Before we fan

Some harmless flame

We have to ask if this is wise

And if the game is worth the prize

With this wine and with this music

How can anything be clear?

Let's wait and see

It may just be

The perfect year

NORMA:

It's New Year's Eve

And hopes are high

Dance one year in

Kiss one goodbye

Another chance, another start

So many dreams to tease the heart

We don't need a crowded ballroom

Everything we want is here

And face to face

We will embrace

The perfect year

We don't need a crowded ballroom

Everything we want is here

And face to face

We will embrace

The perfect year

(spoken)

JOE:

So, what time are they supposed to get here?

NORMA:

Who?

JOE:

The other guests

NORMA:

There are no other guests. Just you and me. I'm in love with you. Surely you know that

JOE:

Norma, I -

NORMA:

We'll have a wonderful time next year. I'll have the pool filled up for you. I'll open up my house in Malibu, and you can have the whole ocean. I have enough money to buy us anything we want

JOE:

Cut out that "us" business

NORMA:

What's the matter with you?

JOE:

What right do you have to take me for granted?

NORMA:

What right? Do you want me to tell you?

JOE:

Norma, what I am trying to say is that I am the wrong guy for you. You need a big shot, someone with polo ponies, a Valentino -

NORMA:

What you're trying to say is, you don't want me to love you. Say it! Say it!

(NORMA slaps JOE)

JOE:

Max. Get me a taxi

(sung)

JOE:

I had to get out

I needed to be with people my own age

To hear the sound of laughter

And mix with hungry actors

Underemployed composers

Nicotine-poisoned writers

Real people

Real problems

Having a really good time