Norma's House & Betty's Office at Paramount

Eternal Youth Is Worth a Little Suffering

ASTROLOGER:

I don't think you should shoot before July 15th

Right now is a perilous time for Pisces

If you wait 'til Venus is in Capricorn

You'll avoid a catalog of crises

MASSEUSE 1:

I need three more weeks to get these thighs in shape

No more carbohydrates, don't be naughty

MASSEUSE 2:

We'll soon have you skipping like an ingenue

You won't look a day over forty

BEAUTICIAN 1:

We have dry heat, we have steam

BEAUTICIAN 2:

We have moisturizing cream

BEAUTICIAN 3:

We had mud-packs

We have blood sacks

BEAUTICIAN 2:

It's a rigorous regime

ALL:

Not a wrinkle when you twinkle

Or a wobble when you walk

Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering

Eternal youth is worth a little suffering

ANALYST:

Listen to your super ego not your id

Age is just another damn neurosis

I'll have you regressing back to infancy

And back into the womb under hypnosis

DOCTOR:

I inject the tissue of the fetal lamb

The formula's the one Somerset Maugham owns

Just modest course of thirty-seven shots

And you will be a heaving mass of hormones

ALL:

No more crow's feet, no more flab

No more love handles to grab

You'll be so thin they'll all think you're

Walking sideways like a crab

Nothing sagging, nothing bagging

Nothing dragging on the floor

Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering

Eternal youth is worth a little suffering

Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering

Eternal youth is worth a little suffering

Of course, there's bound to be a little suffering

Who's Betty Schaefer?

(spoken)

NORMA:

Is this what you're looking for, by any chance?

JOE:

Why, yes

NORMA:

Whose phone number is this? I've been worried about the line of my throat. I think this woman has done wonders with it

JOE:

Good

NORMA:

And I've lost half a pound since Tuesday

JOE:

Very good

NORMA:

Now it's after nine. I'd better get to bed

JOE:

You had

NORMA:

Are you coming up?

JOE:

I think I'll read a while longer

NORMA:

You went out last night, didn't you, Joe?

JOE:

I went for a walk

NORMA:

You took the car

JOE:

I drove to the beach

NORMA:

Who's Betty Schaefer?

JOE:

Surely, you don't want me to feel as if I'm a prisoner in this house?

NORMA:

You don't understand, Joe. I'm under such a terrible strain

It's been so hard I even got myself a revolver. The only thing that stopped me from killing myself was the thought of all those people, waiting to see me back on the screen. How could I disappoint them? All I ask is a little patience, a little understanding

JOE:

Norma, there's nothing to worry about. I haven't done anything

NORMA:

Of course you haven't. Good night, my darling

JOE (sung):

I should have stayed there

Poor Norma

So desperate to be ready

For what would never happen

But Betty would be waiting

We had a script to finish

One unexpected love scene

Two people, both risking

A kind of happy ending

Betty's Office at Paramount

(spoken)

BETTY:

T-H-E E-N-D! I can't believe it, I've finished my first script!

JOE:

Stop it, you're making me feel old

BETTY:

It's exciting, though, isn't it?

JOE:

How old are you, anyway?

BETTY:

Twenty-two

JOE:

Smart girl

BETTY:

Shouldn't we open some champagne?

JOE:

Best I can offer is a stroll to the water cooler at the end of the lot

BETTY:

Sounds good to me. I love the back lot here. All cardboard, all hollow, all phony, all done with mirrors; I think I love it better than any street in the world. I spent my childhood here

JOE:

What were you, a child actress?

BETTY:

No, but my family always expected me to become a great star

I had ten years of dramatic lessons, diction, dancing, everything you can think of; then the studio made a test

JOE:

That's the saddest story I ever heard

BETTY:

Not at all. Come on. I was born two blocks from here. My father was head electrician at the studio until he died, and Mother still works in wardrobe

JOE:

Second generation, huh?

BETTY:

Third. Grandma did stunt work for Pearl White

JOE:

I guess it is kind of exciting, at that, finishing a script

BETTY:

What?

JOE:

Are you all right?

BETTY:

Sure

JOE:

Something's the matter, isn't it?

Too Much in Love to Care

(spoken)

BETTY:

I had a telegram from Artie

JOE:

Is something wrong?

BETTY:

He wants me to come out to Tennessee. He says it would only cost 2 dollars to get married in Clinch

JOE:

Well, what's stopping you! Now we've finished the script - Hey, why are you crying? You're getting married, isn't that what you wanted?

BETTY:

Not any more

JOE:

Don't you love Artie?

BETTY:

Of course I do. I'm just not in love with him any more, that's all

JOE:

Why not? What happened?

BETTY:

You did

(sung)

When I was a kid

I played on this street

I always loved illusion

I thought make-believe

Was truer than life

But now it's all confusion

Please can you tell me what's happening?

I just don't know any more

If this is real

How should I feel?

What should I look for?

JOE:

If you were smart

You would keep on walking

Out of my life

As fast as you can

I'm not the one

You should pin your hopes on

You're falling for

The wrong kind of man

This is crazy

You know we should call it a day

Sound advice, great advice

Let's throw it away

I can't control

All the things I'm feeling

I haven't got a prayer

If I'm a fool

Well, I'm too much in love to care

I knew where I was

I'd given up hope

Made friends with disillusion

No one in my life

But I look at you

And now it's all confusion

BETTY:

Please can you tell me what's happening?

I just don't know any more

If this is real

How should I feel?

What should I look for?

I thought I had

Everything I needed

My life was set

My dreams were in place

My heart could see

Way into the future

All of that goes

When I see your face

I should hate you

There I was, the world in my hand

Can one kiss kiss away

Everything I planned?

I can't control

All the things I'm feeling

I'm floating in mid-air

I know it's wrong

But I'm too much in love to care

BOTH:

I thought I had

Everything I needed

My life was set

My dreams were in place

My heart could see

Way into the future

All of that goes

When I see your face

This is crazy

You know we should call it a day

JOE:

Sound advice

BETTY:

Great advice

BOTH:

Let's throw it away

I can't control

All the things I'm feeling

We're floating in mid-air

If we are fools

Well, we're too much in love to care

If we are fools

Well, we're too much in love to care

(Back at the house on Sunset.)

(spoken)

JOE:

What's the matter there, Max? You waiting to wash the car?

MAX:

Please be careful when you cross the patio. Madame may be watching

JOE:

Suppose I tiptoe up the back stairs and get undressed in the dark, will that do it?

MAX:

It's just that I am greatly worried about Madame

JOE:

Well, we're not helping her any, feeding her lies, more lies. What's going to happen when she finds out they're not going to make her picture?

MAX:

She never will. That is my job. I made her a star and I will never let her be destroyed

JOE:

You made her a star?

MAX:

I directed all her early pictures. In those days, there were three young directors who showed promise: D.W. Griffith, Cecil B. DeMille, and -

JOE:

Max von Mayerling

MAX:

That's right