London

Overture

Why Can't the English? 

HIGGINS:
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she utters
By right she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
ELIZA (spoken):
Aaoooww
HIGGINS:
Aaoooww
Heavens, what a noise
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education
PICKERING (spoken):
Oh come, sir, I think you picked a poor example
HIGGINS:
Did I?
Hear them down in Soho square
Dropping "h's" everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school?
MAN:
Wadaya tike me for, a fool?
HIGGINS:
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike'
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one
ELIZA (spoken):
Garn
HIGGINS (spoken):
Garn
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
(sung)
It's "Aaoooww" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction, by now
Should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
PICKERING (spoken):
I beg your pardon, sir
HIGGINS:
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to
Set a good example to people whose
English is painful to your ears?
The Scots and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
(spoken)
In America, they haven't used it for years
(sung)
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks are taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman knows his language from "A" to "Zed"
(spoken)
The French never care what they do, actually, as long as they pronounce it properly
(sung)
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And the Hebrews learn it backwards
Which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Oh why can't the English
Why can't the English
Learn to speak?

Wouldn't It Be Loverly?

It's rather dull in town, I think I'll take me to Paree

All I want is a room somewhere

All I want is a room somewhere

Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

Oh, wouldn't it be loverly

With a Little Bit of Luck

ALFRED:
The Lord above gave man an arm of iron
So he could do his job and never shirk
The Lord gave man an arm of iron-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
Someone else'll do the blinkin' work
ALFRED, HARRY & JAMIE:
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of luck you'll never work
ALFRED:
The Lord above made liquor for temptation
To see if man could turn away from sin
The Lord above made liquor for temptation-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
When temptation comes you'll give right in
ALFRED, HARRY & JAMIE:
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of luck you'll give right in
ALFRED:
Oh, you can walk the straight and narrow
But with a little bit of luck
You'll run amuck
The gentle sex was made for man to marry
To share his nest and see his food is cooked
The gentle sex was made for man to marry-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
You can have it all and not get hooked

ALFRED, HARRY & JAMIE:
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of luck you won't get hooked
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
ALFRED:
They're always throwin' goodness at you
But with a little bit of luck
A man can duck
The Lord above made man to help his neighbor
No matter where, on land, or sea, or foam
The Lord above made man to help his neighbor but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
When he comes around you won't be home
HARRY & JAMIE:
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of luck, you won't be home
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
ALFRED:
A man was made to help support his children
Which is the right and proper thing to do
A man was made to help support his children, but
With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
They'll go out and start supporting you
ALFRED, HARRY & JAMIE:
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of luck they'll work for you
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
ALFRED:
Oh, it's a crime for man to go philandrin
And fill his wife's poor heart with grief and doubt
Oh, it's a crime for man to go philanderin'-but
With a little bit of luck
With a little bit of luck
You can see the bloodhound don't find out
ALFRED, HARRY & JAMIE:
With a little bit, with a little bit
With a little bit of luck she won't find out
With a little bit
ALFRED:
With a little bit
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
With a little bit of bloomin' luck

I'm an Ordinary Man

PICKERING (spoken):
To be blunt if I am to be in this business I am to feel responsible for the girl. Are you a man of good character where women are concerned?
HIGGINS (spoken):
Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?
PICKERING (spoken):
Well I haven't
HIGGINS (spoken):
I find that the moment a woman makes friends with me she becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damn nuisance. And I find the moment that I make friends with a woman I become selfish and tyrannical. So here I am, a confirmed bachelor and likely to remain so. Well after all, Pickering, I'm an ordinary man
(sung)
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance
To live exactly as he likes
And do precisely what he wants
An average man am I
Of no eccentric whim
Who likes to live his life, free of strife
Doing whatever he thinks is best for him
Well just an ordinary man
But, let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through
She'll redecorate your home
From the cellar to the dome
Then go on to the enthralling
Fun of overhauling you
Let a woman in your life
And you're up against a wall
Make a plan and you will find
She has something else in mind
And so rather than do either
You do something else
That neither likes at all
You want to talk of Keats or Milton
She only wants to talk of love
You go to see a play or ballet
And spend it searching for her glove
Let a woman in your life
And you invite eternal strife
Let them buy their wedding bands
For those anxious little hands
I'd be equally as willing
For a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a very gentle man
Even tempered and good natured
Who you never hear complain
Who has the milk of human kindness
By the quart in every vein
A patient man am I
Down to my fingertips
The sort who never could, ever would
Let an insulting remark escape his lips
A very gentle man
But, let a woman in your life
And patience hasn't got a chance
She will beg you for advice
Your reply will be concise
And she'll listen very nicely
And then go out and do precisely what she wants
You are a man of grace and polish
Who never spoke above a hush
All at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush
Let a woman in your life
And you're plunging in a knife
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks
I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a quiet living man
Who prefers to spend the evening
In the silence of his room
Who likes an atmosphere as restful as
An undiscovered tomb
A pensive man am I
Of philosophic joys
Who likes to meditate, contemplate
Free from humanity's mad inhuman noise
A quiet living man
But, let a woman in your life
And your sabbatical is through
In a line that never ends
Comes an army of her friends
Come to jabber and to chatter
And to tell her what the matter is with you
She'll have a booming boisterous family
Who will descend on you en masse
She'll have a large Wagnerian mother
With a voice that shatters glass
Let a woman in your life
Let a woman in your life
Let a woman in your life

I shall never let a woman in my life 

With a Little Bit of Luck (Reprise)

Just You Wait

 ELIZA:

Just you wait Henry Higgins

You'll be sorry but your tears will be too late
You'll be broke and I'll have money
Will I help ya, don't be funny
Just you wait Henry Higgins
Just you wait
Just you wait Henry Higgins till you're sick
And your screams to fetch a doctor double quick
I'll be off a second later and go straight to the theatre
Oh ho ho Henry Higgins, just you wait
Oooh Henry Higgins
Just you wait till we're swimmin' in the sea
Oooh Henry Higgins
And ya get a cramp a little way from me
When ya yell you're gonna drown
I'll get dressed and go to town
Oh ho ho Henry Higgins
Oh ho ho Henry Higgins
Just you wait
One day I'll be famous, I'll be proper and prim
Go to Saint James so often I will call it Saint Jim
One evening the king will say Oh Liza, old thing,
I want all of England your praises to sing
KING:

Next week, on the twentieth of May

Thanks a lot, King says I in a manner well-bred

The Servants' Chorus (Poor Professor Higgins)

The Rain in Spain

SERVANTS:
Quit, Professor Higgins
Quit, Professor Higgins
Hear our plea
Or payday we
Will quit, Professor Higgins
Ay not I, O not Ow
Pounding pounding in our brain
Ay not I, O not Ow
Don't say "Rine," say "Rain"
HIGGINS (spoken):
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
ELIZA (spoken):
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
HIGGINS (spoken):
Again
ELIZA (spoken):
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
HIGGINS (spoken):
I think she's got it, I think she's got it
ELIZA:
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
By George she's got it, by George she's got it
Now, once again where does it rain?
ELIZA:
On the plain, on the plain
HIGGINS:
And where's that soggy plain?
ELIZA:
In Spain, in Spain
HIGGINS, ELIZA, & PICKERING:
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
HIGGINS:
In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire...?
ELIZA:
Hurricanes hardly happen
How kind of you to let me come
HIGGINS:
Now once again, where does it rain?
ELIZA:
On the plain, on the plain
HIGGINS:
And where's that blasted plain?
ELIZA:
In Spain, in Spain!
HIGGINS, ELIZA, & PICKERING:
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
[INSTRUMENTAL]
HIGGINS (spoken):
Pickering, ay
[Exclamations]
HIGGINS (spoken):
Arriba
HIGGINS, ELIZA & PICKERING:
Ole

I Could Have Danced All Night

ELIZA:
Bed, bed, I couldn't go to bed
My head's too light to try to set it down
Sleep, sleep, I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown
I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things I've never done before
I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night
SERVANT 1:
It's after three now
SERVANT 2:
Don't you agree now
BOTH:
She ought to be in bed

ELIZA:
I could have danced all night
SERVANT 1:
You're tired out
SERVANT 2:
You must be dead
ELIZA:
I could have danced all night
SERVANT 1:
Your face is drawn
SERVANT 2:
Your eyes are red
ELIZA:
And still have begged for more
SERVANTS:
Now say goodnight
Please turn out the light
Please it's really time for you to be in bed
ELIZA:
I could have spread my wings
SERVANT 1:
Just come along
Do as you're told
ELIZA:
And done a thousand things I've never done before
SERVANT 1:
Or Mrs. Pearce is apt to scold
SERVANTS:
You're up too late, please as sure as fate
Miss you'll catch a cold
ELIZA:
I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
SERVANT 1:
Put down your book
SERVANT 2:
The work will keep
ELIZA:
Began to dance with me
SERVANTS:
Now settle down
And go to sleep
ELIZA:
I could have danced, danced danced all night
MRS. PEARCE:
I understand, dear
It's all been grand, dear
But now it's time to sleep
ELIZA:
I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things I've never done before
I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night!

Ascot Gavotte

LADIES & GENTLEMEN:
Every duke and earl and peer is here
Everyone who should be here is here
What a smashing, positively dashing spectacle
The Ascot opening day
At the gate are all the horses
Waiting for the cue to fly away
What a gripping, absolutely ripping
Moment at the Ascot opening day
Pulses rushing, faces flushing
Heartbeats speed up
I have never been so keyed up
And second now they'll begin to run
Hark a bell is ringing
They are springing forward look
It has begun
What a frenzied moment that was
Didn't they maintain an exhausting pace?
'Twas a thrilling, absolutely chilling
Running of the Ascot opening race 

On the Street Where You Live

FREDDY:
When she mentioned how her aunt bit off the spoon
She completely done me in
And my heart went on a journey to the moon
When she told about her father and the gin
And I never saw a more enchanting farce
Than that moment when she shouted
"Move your bloomin'—"
MRS. PEARCE (spoken):
Yes sir?
FREDDY (spoken):
Is Ms. Doolittle here?
MRS. PEARCE (spoken):
Whom shall I say is calling?
FREDDY (spoken):
Freddy Eynsford-Hill
If she doesn't remember who I am, tell her I'm the chap who was snickering at her
MRS. PEARCE (spoken):
Yes sir
FREDDY (spoken):
And will you give her these?
MRS. PEARCE (spoken):
Yes sir, wouldn't you like to come in sir? They're having dinner but you may wait in the hall
FREDDY (spoken):
No, thank you I want to be in the street where she lives
(sung)
I have often walked down this street before
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before
All at once am I several stories high
Knowing I'm on the street where you live
Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour out of ev'ry door?
No, it's just on the street where you live
And oh, the towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear
People stop and stare; they don't bother me
For there's nowhere else on Earth that I would rather be
Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live

Eliza's Entrance/Embassy Waltz