At Artie's Party & Norma's House

This Time Next Year

(spoken)

ARTIE:

Hey, Gillis! We'd give you up. Let me take your coat. Jesus, Joe, what's this made of? Mink? Who did you borrow this from? Adolphe Menjou?

JOE:

Close, but no cigar. Hey! It's quite a crowd

ARTIE:

I invited all the kids doing walk-ons in "Samson and Delilah"

BETTY:

Where have you been hiding? I called your apartment. I called your ex-agent. I was about to call the Bureau of Missing Persons

JOE:

Well, they always know where to find me

(sung)

RICHARD A:

You gotta say your New Year's resolution out loud

Jean!

JEAN:

By this time next year

I'll have landed a juicy part

STEVE:

Nineteen fifty will be my start

RICHARD T:

No more carrying spears

MARY:

I'll be discovered

My life won't ever be the same

Billy Wilder will know my name

And he'll call all the time

KATHERINE:

'Til he does, can one of you guys lend her a dime?

ALISA:

Just an apartment

With no roaches and no dry rot

ANITA:

Where the hot water comes out hot

BOTH:

That's my Hollywood dream

RICHARD A:

Your resolution

JOANNA:

Is to write something that gets shot

With approximately the plot

I first had in my head

MYRON:

But you'll get rewritten even after you're dead

RICHARD A (spoken):

Artie!

ARTIE:

It's the year to begin a new life

Buy a place somewhere quiet, somewhere pretty

When you have a young kid and a wife

Then you need somewhere green, far from the city

It's a rambling old house with a big apple tree

With a swing for the kid and a hammock for me

SAMMY:

Behold, my children

It is I, Cecil B. DeMille

Meeting me must be quite a thrill

ADAM:

But there's no need to kneel

SAMMY:

I guarantee you

Every girl in my chorus line

Is a genuine Philistine

SANDY:

They don't come off the shelf

SAMMY:

I flew every one in from Philistia myself

BETTY:

I have some good news

It's "Blind Windows"

JOE:

You don't let go

BETTY:

I gave Sheldrake an outline, Joe

And he swallowed the bait

JOE:

Well, hallelujah!

BETTY:

While you've been buying vicuna coats

I've been making a lot of notes

Now there's work we should do

JOE:

Betty, you're forgetting that I gave it to you

You remind me of me long ago

Off the bus, full of ignorant ambition

Thought I'd waltz into some studio

And achieve overnight recognition

I've seen too many optimists sinking like stones

Felt them suck all the marrow clean out of my bones

BETTY:

I love "Blind Windows"

But I can't write it on my own

Can't we speak on the telephone?

All my evenings are free

ARTIE:

Hey, just a minute

I'm the fellow who bought the ring

BETTY:

Artie, this is a business thing

It's important to me

You'll be on location in Clinch, Tennessee

Please make this your New Year's resolution for me

ALL:

By this time next year

I will get my foot in the door

Next year I know I'm going to score

An amazing success

Cut to the moment

When they open the envelope

Pass the statuette to Bob Hope

And it's my name you hear

We'll be down on our knees

Outside Grauman's Chinese

Palm prints there on the street

Immortality's neat

This time next year

This time next year

We'll have nothing to fear

Contracts all signed

Three-picture deal

Yellow brick road career

Hope we're not still saying these things

This time next year

(spoken)

JOE:

You know, I think I will be available in the New Year. In fact, I'm available right now

BETTY:

Joe, that's great!

JOE:

Hey, Artie, where's your phone?

ARTIE:

Under the bar

JOE:

Hey, Artie. You think you could put me up for a couple of weeks?

ARTIE:

It just so happens we've got a vacancy on the couch

JOE:

I'll take it

MAX:

Yes?

JOE:

Max, it's Mr. Gillis. I want you to do me a favor

MAX:

I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis. I can't talk right now

JOE:

Listen, I want you to take my old suitcases -

MAX:

I'm sorry, I am attending to Madame

JOE:

What do you mean?

MAX:

Madame found the razor in your room. And she's cut her wrists

ALL (sung):

Three, two, one, Happy New Year!

Should auld acquiantance be forgot

And never brought to mind

Should auld acquiantance be forgot

And days of auld lang syne

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

New Year's Eve (Back at the House on Sunset)

(spoken)

NORMA:

Go away!

JOE:

What kind of a silly thing was that to do?

NORMA:

I'll do it again...I'll do it again...I'll do it again!

JOE:

Attractive headline: "Great Star Kills Herself for Unknown Writer"

NORMA:

Great stars have great pride. You must have some girl, why don't you go to her?

JOE:

I never meant to hurt you, Norma. You've been good to me. You're the only person in this stinking town that's ever been good to me

NORMA:

Then why don't you say 'thank you' and go? Go! Go! Go!

(JOE kisses her)

JOE:

Happy New Year

NORMA:

Happy New Year, darling